Grieving the Loss

Today we cancelled our vacation for this summer.  We knew we had to, and it's been coming to the point where we want to make sure we can get (at least most of) our money back, and not have the cruiseline go bankrupt. We're still waiting on the airline to confirm the cancellation and then we'll try to send that through insurance, with a 50/50 shot of seeing that money again.

It sucks. It sucks a lot, and there's been a lot of tears about it.

We're all losing things in this quarantine.  And while some are obviously worse(losing a loved one; losing a job), I'm not going to deny that I'm grieving this loss. 

We planned for this, saved for this, worked for this.  We did the responsible thing and didn't just spend money we didn't have yet for it, delaying it so it would be a guilt-free trip.  It was mostly "my" money, the hours of proofreading garbage, that was paying for it. 

And of course we can go again a different time. Maybe. Except this was our bucket list trip.  The one we were taking because it's one of those places we wanted to make sure we saw, and didn't want it to be on the list of regrets. So we had the time, we could save the money, we didn't want to put it off.

And now we have to. Because of a fucking virus.

And I don't know when we'll feel safe enough to try again. 2 years seems like about the earliest. And maybe not even then, I don't know.

It sucks and I'm sad and I know I need to get over it and move on, but I'm not there yet.